I’ve seen that with my mom, my aunts, and my grandmother figures. I’ve learned it isn’t uncommon in the Black community for Black women to be there for everyone and people rarely if ever, show up for us. Growing up, she provided space for my aunts and other women in her life that she trusted to be there in ways that she couldn’t. That leaves a massive learning curve when you have children of your own but did not have much of or a safe childhood yourself.

My mother had to, unfortunately, grow up fast. Not because she did not want to, but because she likely (as I’ve learned being an adult) did not know how.

Self-mothering looks like showing up for myself in all the ways my mother couldn’t. Self-mothering is taking the time to realize that I have needs, those needs deserve to be met, and that I don’t have to deal with anyone who undermines or minimizes those needs. It’s about replacing the negative inner critic with a voice that’s going to encourage you along the way.įounder + Editor-in-Chief of Resolute Magazine What’s important is that you pick yourself up each time. Social media will have you believe you have to complete your journey overnight and that the path is linear.

To other women beginning your self-mothering journey, be gentle with yourself. I’m working on it in therapy and my husband and sister are constantly reminding me to do less and stop bending over backward for others. setting boundaries, saying “no” without explanation or apology, and putting my needs ahead of others as a recovering people-pleaser. I find self-care activities easier to do than the 'real work,' i.e. Nurturing myself has gotten easier with time. I have to pour into myself and fill my cup first and foremost so I’m able to pour into others. I used the Expectful app when I was pregnant and postpartum. I’m also an avid journaler and I like to meditate when I get the chance. So I’m working on that and I remind myself that my daughter literally does not care and that an extra 10-15 pounds don’t make me a different person. But I don’t love not physically feeling and looking like the old me. Of course, I love that it birthed a healthy, happy baby girl. I’m having a hard time accepting my postpartum body. It’s interesting because I’ll say I don’t believe in 'snapback culture,' etc., and yet I judge my body for not being the same as it was before birth. Physically I’m very much into working out, which fills my mental, emotional and spiritual needs–especially Chelsea Jackson Roberts’ gospel flows, slow flows, and restorative yoga classes on Peloton. There are no gold medals for pretending to be perfect. I’m no longer interested in appearing as if I have it all together. I am all about embracing softness and courageous vulnerability. But as I’ve gotten older I’ve decided that’s not for me and that’s not the legacy I want to pass down to my own daughter. I observed my mom lean hard into that Strong Black Woman trope and I certainly adopted some of that behavior. Self-mothering is about showing yourself the love you need, want, and deserve, even if–especially if–you may not have experienced how you would like to be loved by the mother figure(s) in your life. The Fundamentals Of Enjoyable & Pleasurable Sex Habits of Couples Who Have Consistently Great Sexĩ Sex-Related Questions To Ask Your Partner What are some sexts you love sending your significant other? Comment and let us know! Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:ġ2 Absolutely Bomb Sex Techniques To Try Tonight Let it empower you and keep the spark alive in your relationship, no matter the distance. These are all starter sexts, but you should get creative and add your own flair to it.

Do you remember how my p***y tastes? I like tasting myself on you.

I wish you could walk through the door, pick me up, and take me against the wall.

Next time I see your face, I'm sitting on it.

You're making me wet just thinking about you.

I can't wait until you're inside me again (or, I need you inside me).

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